Shell of a Man
by Dai Otenba
Summary: After a tragic accident, Jounouchi's world breaks down slowly along with his sanity. Who will help him pick up the pieces? Then again, can they? [MultiChapter] [KaiJou]
1. Prologue

Title: Shell of a Man

Author: Dai Otenba

Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh, as it already belongs to Kazuki Takahashi.

Warnings: Angst, Attempted Suicide, Self-mutilation, Yaoi, Language

Pairings: Kaiba x Jounouchi

Rating: R

Summary: After a tragic accident, Jounouchi's world breaks down slowly along with his sanity. Who will help him pick up the pieces? Then again, can they?

Author's Notes: I was listening to "Shell of a Man" by Juliana Theory when I was writing most of this, so that's where the title and a lot of the inspiration comes from. Plus Nuva wanted some angst, so I gave it to her.

Nuva: Damn straight you did. I deserve it.

" " - Spoken Dialogue

' ' - Mental Dialogue

_Italics -_ Flashback/Past references

Line - Scene Change

Final Note:

Nuva: There is no indication as to how far back the flashbacks take place. We'd indicate it for ya, but… we'd rather not. Take that!

--

Shell of a Man: Prologue

--

Jou's POV

"Why?"

Pretty vague question if you ask me. Even if it's just three letters, it's the basis of each and every question on life, existence, all the intellectual and depressing Bullshit. Why are we here? Why do I exist? Why do we live? Why are people so complicated? Why is there hate, violence, and injustice when there is also life, love, and freedom at the same time?

So, which one do I live my life by? Neither. None of them, but all of them.

My question is simple yet more complex than those. It's the only thing we need to ask ourselves.

Everyday, I find myself asking that question more and more, and the answer never seems any closer. I gradually pick up bits and pieces of the answer, but I never piece it together to make the whole.

However, things just seem to have a way of turning against you and kicking you in the face, and eventually the whole begins to break down. You're left to wander around and gather the fragments one by one. Alone, with no one but yourself, all the while hating that one word more and more.

I think that's what happened to me. Or better yet, is happening to me. Except the fragments are a part of me and I can't seem to find them anymore. I'm lost right now, trying to look for the pieces. Trying to put them back together and find the answer to that one question I hate, yet need.

---

_Eyes. Once a bright and vibrant amber now dulled down to an empty and murky brown. Eyes staring down at the crimson pool beneath him. Staring down at the stains on the hardwood floor curiously. Why did it hurt? Why was there pain? _

_A lone figure visible in the moonlight coming in through the open window. He picks at the torn skin on his arm, the deep cuts sure to leave visible scars in the future._

_"Why?"_

_A small whisper reverberates through the empty room._

_"Why?"_

_Louder, voice coming in raspier._

_"WHY!"_

_Silence. The voice stops as the figure moves slightly, picking up the shattered glass from the floor. He stares at it, stares at what he has become. What is left of the pieces he still has left yet will soon be lost along with the others._

_A hand reaches up to pull back the bangs hanging in his eyes, giving him a better view of the carnage he had just created. Dark red smears appearing in his hair as the blood sank into the blond strands. That same hand shakily is moved in front of his face. Red, all red._

_Suddenly, laughter fills the room. Soft chuckles at first, till it grows, absorbing the negative energy in the room, eating up the chaotic and bloody stench left behind. He laughs, and keeps on laughing. _

_He collapses on the bloody floor beneath him, yet his laughter never ceases. His body shakes with his actions. Tears slowly come to his eyes, yet the laughter doesn't stop._

_A few minutes pass by and his laughter dies down. He lifts his head up, observing where his salty tears had mixed in with the now drying blood, giving it an almost glowing effect. After staring at the floor for a while, he rest his head back down, not caring if his hair soaked up more of the moist liquid beneath him. Legs slowly curl up and arms wrap around his midsection. Curled up in a fetal position, staring off into a random spot on the wall._

_His mouth opens, voice attempting to break free, only cracking over the misuse of it. He swallows, and then attempts to speak. Only mutters and mumbles, nothing heard clearly. He falls asleep on the floor eventually, his final two words loud enough to echo in the darkness that surrounds him both mentally and physically._

_"Help me."_

---

Even now, I don't understand it. It all just happened... so fast. I find it hard to believe that it all just came to an end like that. No warning, no nothing. It all just stopped in an instant, in a heartbeat.

_Thank you for that report Hikari. In other news, two were tragically killed in an automobile accident in the outskirts of Domino. Police say that the victims, a young girl along with her mother, were driving home when a drunk driver collided into their car, instantly killing both. The man has been taken into custody and will be set on trial for vehicular manslaughter and driving under the influence. The names of both victims have been withheld from the public as of now. All that is known is that both young women are survived by the older woman's ex-husband, and son._

I hadn't found out till the late night news on the day of the accident. I probably wouldn't have given it much thought if it wasn't for my dense headed-ness putting together all the events that just happened before.

Shizuka and my mother had come to visit a couple days ago. Mother left Shizuka here after staying a day or so, letting her stay a week longer.

She came back to pick her up once the week was over, but stayed one more day.

They left the day after that. The day the accident happened. I tried to deny it all of course, made myself believe it was some other poor, unfortunate family that was being broken, not mine. I was hoping dearly that it wasn't them.

The call I got not long after shattered those hopes. That's when everything fell apart.

That's when the pieces got lost.

That's when it started.

_"As long as I have you in my life, then I'm happy."_

That's when it all started.

---

6:00am

That's when the alarm went off. I knew school didn't start for about another hour and a half, and it only took me about 25 minutes to get to the school; 20 if I ran, but I had done it again last night and I needed to clean up. I had fallen asleep just afterwards, only to wake up sometime in the middle of the night. I didn't have time to clean up then, so I just pulled myself up from the floor and walked over to the bathroom to wrap some toilet paper on my wounds. I knew it was going to be a bitch to take off the next day but I wasn't exactly thinking too clearly at the time. I was careful not to put any pressure on my arms, which at the moment hurt like you wouldn't believe. Once I was done, I walked over to the bed, flopped down and fell asleep.

I slowly moved towards the small bathroom, careful to avoid the shards of glass still on the floor. 'Need to clean that up also.' I took note mentally as I stood at the doorway. I looked into the mirror, only to groan in sheer irritation.

I was one giant living mess. There were dark circles under my eyes from all the crying I had done. I'm guessing I had laid my head on a bad place because there were small cuts on the right side of my face. Not too deep though. My blond hair was matted and strewn about everywhere, red mixed in gold. A lot of the blood had dried up and was going to be hard to get out without me taking a shower. I shuddered at the thought. It wouldn't be that bad, if it wasn't for my main concern.

I looked down at the mediocre wrappings on my arms. Most of the blood had seeped through and dried up, caking it to my skin. Just as I had though, it was going to be a pain to take off. I slowly removed it from my arms as carefully as I could, flinching and cursing under my breath a few times when it began to sting. After I was done, I noticed that underneath the cuts weren't that bad. At least, I didn't think so. I hadn't made many the night before, plus they weren't that deep. The only places where it bled was where they crossed over old healing scars and cuts from... previous times.

I walked over to the tub and turned on the showerhead, turning the knob below so luke warm water would come out. Once that was over with, I removed what else there was left; a slightly dirty T-shirt I had slipped on before I went to bed (I had removed the blood stained one after the incident), a pair of old worn out blue jeans, and my green boxers. I walked in the tub, pulling the curtain behind me and standing a few inches before where the shower water was spraying. I grabbed a small washcloth and soaked it up with the water. After that, I slowly squeezed the water onto my bloody arms. It stung also, but after awhile it began to decrease the pain in my aching arms. I stared down as most of the blood began to sink down into the drain in the tub, swirling around only to disappear through the small opening. Remembering just how much time I had I reached over quickly and picked out a random bottle of shampoo. I lathered it into my hair, ridding it of the blood and dirt.

About 20 minutes later or so, I was finished. I was currently looking for some old bandages I had from my gang days. I had kept them just in case. After finding them, I got a towel and dabbed away at some of the blood that began to appear from my cuts. I wrapped the bandages around my arms slowly, making sure not to miss an inch. Once that was done, I had the bandages wrapped around my arms from my wrists to below my elbows. I looked out the door to check what time it was. 6:46 Am. didn't have much time left.

Heading over to my dresser, careful of the glass again, I opened it up and pulled out my school uniform and a pair of clean boxers. I pulled them on, and then got my pants on. It took me a bit longer to get the shirt on and the jacket, but I got through it. After that, I slipped on some slippers near my bed and walked over to the closet. I pulled out a broom I had saved there. Back when my father still lived with me, I had learned to keep a broom handy for those many times he'd storm into my room, bottle of liquor in hand.

Not long after, I had swept up the glass on the floor, then had gotten a few wet rags and dabbed them against the floorboards, soaking up as much of the blood as I could. I looked up and checked what time it was again. 7:08Am. Damnit, I was going to be late! I rushed over to the wastebasket in my room and dumped the rags there. I ran down the hall of the apartment and into the small kitchen I had where I washed my hands. Snatching a cold bun of bread and keeping a hold of it in my mouth, I ran over to the front door, took off my slippers and slipped into my shoes. I grabbed my backpack from the couch then opened the door and ran out of the complex in a flash.

While running towards the school, I tried to block out the thoughts I had of just turning back and staying home. A person like me wasn't supposed to be at school. Not after what happened. I wasn't... what did you call it? Stable. Hell, I never was stable to begin with. I probably wasn't thinking straight at all, or wasn't looking where I was going, because all of a sudden I abruptly bumped into a person. Unfortunately for me, the collision caused me to hit another person next to me and being stuck between both for that short amount of time put a lot of pressure on my inner arms. I could feel the blood and agonizing pain go through my arms; it was like an electric shock and felt just as bad as one. I shrugged it off though and after a quick apology, I continued toward Domino High.

---

I'm thinking I ran pretty fast, because I got there about two minutes before the bell rang. Looking up at the building in front of me and the few students still outside, I continued on inside. Once I was there, I remembered that my homeroom teacher had the horrible habit of coming in at least 5 minutes late, so I had some time. Heading to my locker, I put away most of my books and pulled out any I might need. After that and changing my shoes, I closed the door and headed out the hallway.

All of a sudden I felt another aftershock of pain race up my right arm. I winced and cursed under my breath softly. Making sure no one was around; I lifted the sleeve of my blue uniform jacket and looked at the cuts. Yup, that impact was pretty harsh. The blood was beginning to seep through the bandages. I was probably going to have to change them soon, probably before break. Luckily I remembered to bring the bandage wrap with me and place it in my backpack. I stared at the blood a bit longer, thoughts becoming jumbled and confused. I stared hard at the red coloring.

_"-oniichan?"_

_Youthful and kind light hazel eyes, strawberry blond hair. Warm smile-_

_Screams, laughter, tears-_

_"As long as you're here-"_

_"Are you happy?"_

_Pain-_

_"Make it stop."_

It wasn't until I snapped out of my daze that I noticed my eyes had become watery, and a tear had run down the side of my cheek. No sooner had I pulled my sleeve down and wiped away at the tear did I rush off to homeroom.

---

Regular POV

Of course, if Jounouchi weren't in such a rush, he would have noticed the pair of cold cerulean eyes staring at him from not too far away.

----

(_wibble_)

Tsuki: Why is she wibbling? This is only the prologue.

Nuva: I forced her to take out the author dialogue here.

Tsuki: You made her, or Kaiba bribed you?

Nuva: …no comment. (_walks away counting off a couple of hundreds_)


	2. Chapter 1

Title: Shell of a Man

Author: Dai Otenba

Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh, as it already belongs to Kazuki Takahashi. In fact anything you see here that is vaguely popular with others or rings a bell with you in some way and earns money, guess what? I don't own it, cause I'm not that creative. :sweatdrop:

Warnings: Angst, Attempted Suicide, Self-mutilation, Yaoi, Language

Pairings: Kaiba x Jounouchi

Rating: R

Summary: After a tragic accident, Jounouchi's world breaks down slowly along with his sanity. Who will help him pick up the pieces? Then again, can they?

Author's Notes: I ended up putting a tiny bit of happy KaiJou-ness in this chapter. I can't help it.

Nuva: Stupid fluff. Should die.

Tsuki: o.o

" " - Spoken Dialogue

' ' - Mental Dialogue

_Italics -_ Flashback/Past references

Line - Scene change

--

Shell of a Man: Chapter 1

--

The day had gone on surprisingly well for Jounouchi, as much as it could with the numbing pain in his arms from the previous night's ordeals. It was enough of a task to keep his arms away from anything solid or from physical contact from others and make it look as non-conspicuous as possible, let alone hide the fact that he wasn't himself in mind and body. He was just lucky that he had a certain way of maneuvering around people, no matter how clumsy or thickheaded he seemed. As for his friends, they were probably the most gullible people known to mankind, and he could easily deter their thoughts on his odd behavior. A little lie here, a carefree smile there, and it was all set and as simple as that. Sure, it took just a bit more convincing for Honda and Yugi, but he got through to them eventually and was able to convince them that he would be fine in no time and that there was nothing to worry about.

Kaiba, on the other hand, was a different case entirely. Sure, he had asked him a few times if he really was fine and certain questions on his state, a bit less… "Caring and concerned" than the ones he received from his friends, but Jou dismissed them just as easily as he did with the verbal prying from his friends. Unfortunately for him, he hadn't noticed the sidelong glances Kaiba would give him during the classes they had together, nor did he even consider that the CEO had seen proof of there being problems during his little mental reverie before homeroom started, thus the 'apparent' reasoning for his questioning.

As class started, and the teacher began to drone on about their lesson, the cerulean-eyed teen began to think back a bit on when he had inadvertently stumbled upon Jounouchi in the morning. 'He was crying, I could tell that much. Not to mention he looked disheveled, as if he had a rough night. His eyes… there was something about his eyes. They didn't look like they usually do. It's as if… the light in them was snuffed out. They didn't look as lively and full of energy as they usually do.'

As odd as it seemed to be discussing the color and representation of Jou's eyes, the brunet paid no heed to it all. Over the time he had gotten to know Jou, he had started to become less and less hostile toward him, as Jou did with him. There were still scuffles from time to time, but they weren't as bad as they used to be. Oddly enough, the mere thought of seeing Jou again as he had seen him this morning was a bit troubling. It just wasn't right to see the blond the way he saw him. It was so… out of character. As much as he kept rethinking the concept in his mind and trying to deny it, he was concerned. He didn't know why, but he was.

Needless to say, Kaiba knew something was wrong, and was determined to find out what. What he saw in the morning would continue to bother him unless he did something about it, as much as he hated to admit it.

---

It was towards the end of his final class before lunch when Jounouchi found himself more tired out than usual. Sure, he didn't usually go to sleep early and end up with a good night's sleep, thus dozing off in class from time to time, but it seemed like today, all he really thought of was sleeping. He could barely find it in himself to lift his head off of the desk. He also had a compelling urge to rest his head in his arms, but realized that it wouldn't be a smart thing to do, what with his injuries. He had hid it well so far; he wasn't going to mess it up just because he wanted a quick and comfortable nap in class. He knew that putting that kind of pressure on his arms would be anything but comfortable.

Not only was he sleepy, but every time he got up from his seat after the bell, signaling the end of class, he felt this extreme dizziness come upon him, and had to pause a bit before he could trust himself to head out towards the door and to his next class. Of course, being the stubborn person he was seemingly born to be, he chalked it all up to having not eaten anything decent since the morning, and would get something from one of the others.

It came down to the final minutes before the bell would ring, and Jounouchi was desperate to get something to cure what was ailing him, even if it was far from being anything he truly needed. He sat there, holding his head in his right hand as another wave of dizziness washed over him, only this time it was a bit stronger than the other moments, not to mention that he hadn't even tried to stand up. Luckily, the bell had chosen to ring at that moment, signaling the student's lunch break. Just as Jou was getting up from his seat, one of the students who just seemed a bit too excited for lunch sped right past him, and in his haste to get outside of the room as soon as possible, had bumped right into Jou's right side, and more importantly, into his arm.

All he could recall was seeing the student zooming out the door and a couple more students pilling out after him, and as much as he would have liked to leave along with them, the amber eyed boy was too concentrated with holding back tears and whimpers of pain from having such abrupt and harsh contact to his arm. He noticed that he was probably making a bit of a scene, standing there next to his desk, his face scrunched up as if he ate something too spicy, and quickly grabbed his backpack then speed walked out the door. Once again though, the same pair of blue eyes that had seen him before homeroom had seen what had just happened to him then and there, once again unnoticed. It was then that he decided that he would track down the blond sometime during lunch and find out if there really was nothing troubling him today.

---

About halfway through lunch, Jou was starting to reconsider his dizziness having come from hunger. He was able to get some food from the others, and even though he was forced to eat with his left hand since it still hurt to move the one that had been dealt with so violently during the last class, which earned him a few odd looks but nothing more, his dizziness was setting in full throttle. He felt as if he could just collapse any minute. If that wasn't bad enough, he took a quick glance at his right arm to notice that some hints of red were showing on the blue sleeve of his uniform jacket, which meant the impact was strong enough to reopen the wounds there and cause the blood to seep through the wrappings on his arm. As nonchalantly as he could, he hid his arm away from everyone at the table, told them he needed to use the restroom, then picked up his backpack and dashed off as quickly as he could.

'Man, this is the last thing I need. Hopefully I still have enough bandage wrapping in my backpack to fix this up in the bathroom.'

With that final thought in mind, he quickened his pace, yet made sure he didn't overdue it, as he would hate to pass out right there in the middle of the hallway of the school.

---

Kaiba was under one of the trees in the lunch area reading a book as usual, when he noticed slight movement out of the corner of his eye. He would have dismissed it, if not for the fact that the figure looked vaguely familiar, as much as they could from his angle. He turned his head a bit, only to catch a glimpse of blond hair belonging to none other than Jounouchi, retreating back into the school, only a bit hastily. 'Well, this would be as good a time as any.' The brunet said to himself mentally as he closed his book, set it into his briefcase, then walked up slowly from his spot on the grass and proceeded to search for the blond within the confines of their school.

---

Every step he took seemed to take just a tiny bit of energy from him, as his quick pace down the hallways turned into a slow and steady pace, yet he knew that the steadiness would only last for so long. His vision had started to become a bit blurry a few minutes ago, and he would have to temporarily stop his trek through the hallways to hold himself up against a wall and compose himself enough to keep walking safely. It shouldn't have taken this long, he thought to himself, as he continued his search for the washroom. This was his own school after all, how could he forget where it was? Then again, he never had to worry about someone seeing visible blood on his right uniform sleeve, the constant dizziness he was feeling and the heavy exhaustion that was beating away at him, all of which were clouding his vision and judgment at the moment.

'I really don't know how much longer I can go on like this.' He said absently as he stopped once more, looking around to see where exactly he was. The blond had actually gotten pretty far without notice, which was a good thing. He didn't know how he was going to explain his actions and the wound on his arm if anyone saw him. It looked like no one was in the halls, thus there was no one who would disturb him. 'I might actually get away with this.'

"Jounouchi."

That idea was immediately thrown out the window.

---

Kaiba was starting to doubt his certainty of finding the amber eyed teen, and was about to give up his search when he spotted someone up ahead of him. It was only a back view, but he could separate that mop of hair from anyone else anyday.

He was about to call out to him, when he noticed something odd about the blond. Early in the day, he was walking just fine, yet now he was barely able to keep a steady pace, and at the moment was going along just a few steps at a time. He also noticed how the blond had stopped a bit, to hold himself up against one of the walls. There definitely was something wrong. Nothing Jou had to say or come up with now would deter him from what he himself had visual proof of. Now all he had to do was get the amber eyed teen to confess.

"Jounouchi" He called out, just a few feet away from the blond.

He noticed how his back became stiff as a board, and hesitated before turning around, yet he kept his right side out of view.

"Kaiba." The other responded, though his voice seemed a bit more worn out and was missing its daily vibrant air. Not to mention that the blond's eyes seemed a bit heavy lidded and glazed, as if he had just woken up. "What are you doing here?" He continued as his eyebrows knotted together in confusion.

The brunet took this opportunity to get a bit closer to the other, but noticed that he could only get so far for as soon he got to a certain distance, the other would back away, keeping his right side out of view constantly.

Taking in a deep breath, the CEO began to speak. "Jounouchi, there's something wrong with you." He paused as the amber eyes in front of him widened slightly, and his mouth opened to probably come up with another excuse. No, he was tired of the lies. He wanted to get to the bottom of this, even if he had to. "I don't want any excuses mutt. No more lies, I'm sick of them. You're obviously hurt, very badly at that."

"I'm fine Kaiba, there's nothing wrong. I'm just tired." The blond replied, glaring a bit, yet inside he was a tirade of worry. What if Kaiba found out? What if he made fun of him? Ridiculed him for being so weak and pitiful? Then again, what if he told the others? What if he told the police? They'd send him away, put him in a facility, a home even. His friends might abandon him, or treat him like a little child who couldn't protect itself. What if-

"Enough!" He snapped out of his daze at the outburst. "I know because I saw you. I saw you in the morning… when you were almost late to homeroom." Jounouchi's worry only expanded and grew to fright at what he said. He saw him, but how much did he see?

"Now just come with me. I'll get you to the nurse or something. You can barely walk and hold yourself up as you keep holding onto the hallway walls, you look like you barely woke up, you've constantly been falling asleep in class, and-" He paused again, squinting a bit at the small view he had of the blond's right arm. Then realization hit him, and he gave a small gasp as his eyes widened at what he saw. Was… was that blood?

The blond had gone silent at the observations the brunet in front of him had revealed. Had he looked at him so closely, so intentively, that he would notice all that? Why of all things would he be concerned about such things, especially if they involved him? It just didn't make any sense at all. He then noticed the long silence around him, and that the CEO hadn't finished talking. He looked at him closely, and then noticed the look in his eyes. A combination of astonishment, horror, and even a small hint of concern. Wait, he wasn't paying attention to his stature when he was listening to Kaiba, so… he looked in the direction of what he was looking at, only to look straight down at his uniform sleeve. There were now large red splotches of red on the sleeve. He saw the blood. He actually saw what he had tried to hide for so long.

The red, bright ruby red substance then began to trickle down his arm, down to his fingertips where it dripped down onto the floor. It was just like the night before. It was the same. It hurt, it all hurt so badly. No, it wasn't supposed to hurt. Not anymore. It should have been taken care of. All his effort to get rid of the pain last night, all of it was in vain. Finally, everything just seemed to crash down on him in that one moment. He just couldn't take it anymore. All the events, his suffering, the pain, the agony he face, his losses, everything just turned into a compressed ball of negative energy and was bearing down on him with all it's force. His vision blurred, until everything began to fade away at the edges. Before he realized what he was doing, he was walking the other way, straight down the path he had just gone by. He more or less stumbled, as the blood began to trickle even more down his hand. It still hurt. Everything hurt.

Kaiba just gave a horrified look as Jou began to stumble towards him, looking as if he was moving purely on instinct. There was so much pain in the amber eyes. Even though they had changed to a dark brown color, the agony in his eyes was evident. It was as if it was the only thing you could see. He couldn't stand it. No one should feel this way, not even Jounouchi.

"Kaiba…" The blond managed to murmur as his last remnants of energy drifted away, and everything around him faded completely. He felt himself falling, falling in his mind, his heart, and his soul. He'd just give up. He'd never find the pieces. They were too far gone. He was broken, and would never be fixed. There was nothing to do but give up. He was tired, so tired. All he wanted was to rest. Rest forever and not deal with the pain around him. No one could help him. No one loved him, no one needed him. The only person who did love him, who needed him around was gone. She was… gone. She was dead.

It was then that he lost consciousness.

The brunet acted as quickly as he could, running towards the blond and preventing him from hitting the solid flooring beneath them. He held the other around the waist, and stood there as long as he could. Looking down at the other's face, which was lying on his chest. He could hear the soft breathing coming from the other. He had just passed out. That was it. He was just so exhausted. 'Guess as strong as he is, he just couldn't hold out any longer.'

As the brunet still stood there, holding the blond up, he began to wonder just what exactly had been the cause of all this. It was then, that he decided for himself and for Jounouchi, that he would help him no matter what. He would get to the bottom of all this, and help him fight his inner demons. There was something pulling him towards the blond in his arms that he just couldn't ignore. Something that he knew he'd have to accept.

Even after that, when he had called his limo to pick him and his burden up, after they had left the school, after he was in the car looking down at the blond, whose head was lying in his lap, blond strands of hair strewn about everywhere and his chest rising and falling as he breathed softly, he thought back on how he would help the blond. It was the only thing he would let himself think afterall, for the only other thing he could be thinking of was pushed to the back of his mind.

When he was holding the blond, he felt as if he could never let go. As if he never wanted to. He wanted to protect him from any harm that came his way, from all pain that was inflicted upon him. When he held the blond, he noticed that… he liked it.


	3. Chapter 2

Title: Shell of a Man

Author: Dai Otenba

Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh, as it already belongs to Kazuki Takahashi. In fact anything you see here that is vaguely popular with others or rings a bell with you in some way and earns money, guess what? I don't own it, cause I'm not that creative. :sweatdrop:

Warnings: Angst, Attempted Suicide, Self-mutilation, Yaoi, Language

Pairings: Kaiba x Jounouchi

Rating: R

Summary: After a tragic accident, Jounouchi's world breaks down slowly along with his sanity. Who will help him pick up the pieces? Then again, can they?

Author Notes: We get a bit more KaiJou interaction in the beginning of this chapter, but that's about it. Then, much flashback-ness ensues from there.

" " - Spoken Dialogue

' ' - Mental Dialogue

_Italics -_ Flashback/Past references

Line - Scene Change (Italicized Flashback/past scene change)

--

Shell of a Man: Chapter 2

--

The blond lay in a deep sleep in the large well furnished bed, surrounded by white sheets and dark blue blankets; blond hair in disarray among the pillow beneath him. His head swayed left and right occasionally and he mumbled a few incoherent words from time to time, but that was all. He had yet to wake up. It had been many hours since he had passed out in the arms of Kaiba Seto, since he was taken into his limo, since he was taken to the large mansion the other had grown to call home, treated and placed in bed to rest.

The brunet teen sat beside him and watched him quietly to see if he would show any signs of waking up. As soon as they had arrived at the mansion, his first priority was to take care of the blond's injuries. After placing him in one of the spare beds, he had called up his personal doctor, who had managed to arrive in record time. After examining the blond for what seemed like an eternity, and taking care of his wounds, he had informed Kaiba that the other would be fine for the time being. He was given a small shot to take care of any sickness or infection the amber eyed teen would have gotten from his cuts. After informing the brunet that his companion need nothing else but to rest and stay in bed for the rest of the day, he left.

Kaiba had been inside the room with Jounouchi ever since the doctor left. He was worried, no matter what the doctor had told him. Sure, Jou had been deemed fine physically, but what about mentally?

'Something must have happened to him in order to cause him to hurt himself like this, but what?' The brunet narrowed his eyes a bit as he continued his gaze at the other in the bed in front of him. 'I'll have to talk to him about it once he wakes up. At least, I'll see if I can get anything from him. No doubt he'll try to hide it all with some lame excuse.' His thoughts went back to when Yugi and the others had asked Jou about his condition today in class, and he closed his eyes a bit. 'It might have worked with them, but it won't work on me. Not after seeing this happen. Not after seeing him like this.' He got up from his chair and moved over towards the bed.

He sat down again near the edge of the bed next to where Jou was asleep. Slowly brushing away some bangs from his forehead, he gazed down at the other's face. It was upsetting him greatly that the blond was in such a horrible state, was so distraught and in such turmoil. He looked so small and helpless in the bed at the moment, like a child.

The CEO didn't even take a second to pause and really think about what was processing through his mind. He had stopped questioning his strange concerns for Jounouchi long ago, and was just eager to help the blond out in any problems he might have. All he had to do was wait for the other to wake up to get the chance.

"What's wrong with you, Jounouchi?" He asked softly as he placed his hand on top of one of Jou's, which was on top of the covers.

The small yet gentle physical contact they had made small shivers slink through his body and caused a hitch in his breathing. He noticed that it was about the same reaction he had when the blond had collapsed in his arms, and when he had to carry him to and from the limo, but he ignored the sensations just as soon as they appeared. It was probably just because he had never been in contact with Jou like this. Usually the touches he gave the other were anything but delicate and gentle. They were harsh and furious, and usually came in the form of fists and kicks, as well as abrupt yanks and pulls. The last thing he wanted was to start thinking he had unknown feelings for the teen lying beside him.

As he sat there just staring at the other, he knew that waiting wasn't going to do him any good. Once he made sure the other was comfortable enough in the bed, he sat up and headed off to his office, -which was luckily right next to the current room he had placed Jou in- and keep his mind off of the burden that had been placed in his care since that morning.

---

"Katsuya?"

The blond turned away from the magnificent view of the ocean in front of him and looked towards the one addressing him. "What?"

Shizuka smiled brightly at him and looked out towards the sea. "Isn't it wonderful?"

He smiled along with her and looked ahead again. The sun was setting slowly and taking a well-deserved rest by sinking in below the horizon. A few seagulls were seen flying towards it, as if wanting to follow it's journey around the world giving everyone warmth and sunshine. The sky was a vivid array of pinks, oranges, and reds all mashed together, with a few hints of lingering blue from earlier that day. The waves of the ocean were calm and very few. The sand was a light tan color and seemed almost untouched. Though it was a beach, the season made the water much too cold to occupy, thus not many were seen on the sands at all. A few people taking a walk along the side, one or two joggers and a few dog owners taking their animals out for a bit of exercise, but that was about it.

Overall, it was a great thing to look at. "It is." Jounouchi finally replied, tucking his hands behind his head.

The shorter sibling leaned over the bar railing set on the ledge of the small cliff they were on, elbows holding her upper body up over the railing and hands clasped together in front of her. It was her last day here at Domino, and she wanted to enjoy it as much as possible. She was able to convince her mother to let her stay here for a week, which made both siblings extremely happy and excited. It would be their second time together since they were children, the first being during Battle City. Not only was she glad to spend time with her older brother, but she was ecstatic when the other decided to visit the very spot they were in. It was the place where they had first promised to see each other again when they were younger, before she was taken away with her mother and her older brother left with their father.

"I don't want to go back Jou." She murmured, looking out at the sea as a breeze blew by, swaying her light brown hair in her face. She lifted a hand up to move it away, then looked over at the other. "Why can't I stay here with you?"

Jounouchi looked at his sister with a dubious and astounded look. "Well, for one mom wouldn't take that sitting down. Second, I wouldn't be the best person to take care of you." He smiled lightly, remembering how he had moved out of his old home not too long ago and gotten his own apartment.

"But I can get a job! I wouldn't get in the way, I swear!" She looked at him with a small pout. All it did was gain her a round of laughter.

"Shizuka, no way am I gonna let that happen! You're too young to work. Not to mention you wouldn't be allowed to keep a job while still in school."

"But-"

The older lifted a hand to pause the other, then looked at his little sister sternly, or as much as he could considering the kind of person he was. "No more. You're going back home after today and that's final." He was about to brush off the whole conversation when she spoke again.

"Don't you want me to stay?"

His gaze lingered a bit, eyes widened slightly. He placed both his hands on her shoulders and looked Shizuka square in the eyes. "Shizu, you know i'd want nothing more than for you to stay here with me. I'd love it if we could live together and always get to see each other. We'd never have to worry about everything we do now. However, you know how mom is. You have to stay with her. You can't stay here in Domino, not with me." He noticed a small gleam in her eye, then jumped off into a panic. "No, no don't cry! I mean, I told you it's not that I don't want you here! I mean, I would! It's just that, well you know..." He broke off as he noticed that his sister had her head hanging and was giggling a bit. "What?" He squeaked incredulously.

She looked back up at him and gave him a warm smile. "Nothing, oniichan. I understand, really I do. I guess... as long as we can always get to see each other, that's fine. Right?"

The other smiled back, then turned to look back at the ocean in front of them. He draped one arm around her in a kind act. "Right."

They stood there watching the sunset a while longer, until only a few lingering rays were left dwindling along the horizon. "Remember when we were really little? Before mom and I left, you took me here to the beach. It was one of the greatest days of my life."

"You mean when we made that sand castle?"

The young girl next to him smiled softly at the remembered moment. "Uh huh. We also made that promise. The one where we said we'd always look out for each other. Do you think it came true?"

He looked down at his sister, than away again. "I think so."

It was a while longer until they decided they should head on to the blond's apartment. Their mother would be arriving soon to pick up the younger.

"Say, oniichan?"

Jounouchi stretched a bit and then turned around towards Shizuka. "Yeah?"

"Are you happy?"

He floundered a bit, then rubbed a hand against the back of his head. "What do you mean?"

She looked down at her hands, then back up at her older brother before looking back down. "I mean, are you happy? With how things are in your life right now." She looked up quickly as she heard chuckling coming from the amber-eyed teen in front of her, then gazing at him in confusion.

"Of course I am." He walked towards her, then in wrapped his arms around his younger sister in a hug. "You know why, Shizuka?"

The girl held back a small blush as her brother held her in his arms. "N-no. Why?"

He let go of her, then held her hand in his. "Because. As long as I have you in my life; as long as you're here, then I'm happy."

She looked at him oddly, then laughed a bit as well. "Oniichan, that's horrible. You're going to spoil someone silly with talk like that."

"Which is what i'm doing right now!" He gave her a big grin. "Now come on. We gotta get back home. Mom might be waiting for us as we speak. The last thing I want her to think is that I've kidnapped you and am trying to get you to stay here with me." He pulled her along towards the bus stop lightly.

The other could do nothing but smile. That's all she continued to do, even after they arrived home.

---

He began to toss and turn more furiously now, trying to get rid of the horrible memories and visions running through his head. Beads of sweat made their appearance along his brow, and his face scrunched up as if he were in slight pain. He knew what would happen next. It had only seemed like a short amount of time since it all happened. So fresh in his memory, and still painful.

He didn't wish to see all this again, but it was as if he had no control of his eyes, his body, or even any of his actions. He just couldn't wake up, or even speak. All that came out were small whimpers and scattered words. He could only attempt to struggle and fight back against the nightmare that was unwinding in the depths of his mind, yet it seemed that his efforts would all be in vain.

No, all he could do was relive it all again. Just lie there and deal with the pain once again.

'Someone... someone help me... please...'

---

The blond plopped down effortlessly on the small couch in the living room of the small apartment he occupied. After lifting a few pillows, papers, and random objects thrown around the place, he located the remote to the television and proceeded to watch a bit of TV before he went off to bed. Sure, he didn't have any school the next day since it was to be Sunday, but he wanted a bit of early sleep either way. He was exhausted after the hectic and busy day he had today. His mother had left with Shizuka sometime during the afternoon, and he was currently feeling a bit depressed that his time with his sister had ended what seemed almost too quickly.

It had surprised him, however, when his mother had asked if she could actually stay one night over at her son's home of sorts, which Shizuka was more than happy to have, since she would be able to stay at her brothers' a day longer, yet she knew of the tension that was held between her older brother and her mother. Other than that one particular day at Battle City, Jounouchi and his mother had yet to speak to one another.

Luckily for Jounouchi, his mother only wished for a bit of feedback on how he was doing, both at school and living on his own. He knew that his sister was a bit upset at both of them for not trying to attempt to close the gap between the two, but she was happy nonetheless that the two were at least speaking in some way or another.

After flipping through a few channels, Jou decided on leaving it at one of the local news channels. Apparently it was some worldwide weather report, and they were currently talking about the current hurricanes going on in America. He vaguely recalled them going on in the state of Florida.

It was only a few more minutes till he felt his eyelids drooping, and he gave off a small yawn. He was about to turn off the television and get some well-deserved rest when something on the television caught his attention.

"Thank you for that report Hikari. In other news, two were tragically killed in an automobile accident in the outskirts of Domino."

Jounouchi's eyes widened slightly as he stood there staring straight at the reporter on the screen.

"Police say that the victims, a young girl along with her mother, were driving home when a drunk driver collided into their car, instantly killing both. The man has been taken into custody and will be set on trial for vehicular manslaughter and driving under the influence. The names of both victims have been withheld from the public as of now. All that is known is that both young women are survived by the mother's ex-husband, and son."

He lifted his hand slowly, yet noticed he was shaking slightly, as he turned off the television. However, he still remained standing and staring at the television screen, and odd look in his eyes. As much as he hated to think about it, he was getting this horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach.

'That couldn't have... no, no way. They wouldn't have gotten that far by now. I mean, it'd take them a long time to get that far out of Domino.'

It was then that the shrill sound of a phone ringing snapped him out of his daze, and he turned his head around quickly to look at the small table to his left, where a white handheld phone lay. It wasn't until it rang a third time that he moved over near it and picked it up slowly. Bringing it up to his ear, he quietly spoke into it. "Hello?"

His breath hitched at the sound of the voice on the other end.

"Yes, is this Jounouchi Katsuya?"

He couldn't recognize the voice on the other end of the line, but noticed that it was a woman, and the voice held this certain tone to it, like one held by authority. There was also faint murmuring on the other end, and the person was speaking quite loudly, which meant they might be outdoors. Waiting a while to compose himself, the blond replied, "Speaking."

There was a long pause on the other line. "Hello Jounouchi. My name is Officer Shinu, and i'm from the local Domino Police Department."

"Yes..."

Another pause.

"I'm sorry to call you so late at night," the blond looked at a nearby clock, which said 11:36PM. He didn't even realize it was so late. "but I'm afraid I have some... upsetting news for you."

And as the blond stood there, listening to the officer on the other end of the line as they replayed all and any information they could give on the incident at hand, the 'upsetting news', all he could do was listen. Listen, and let the silent tears run down the sides of his face. All he did was murmur a few affirmations that he was listening.

It was probably a full 10 minutes after they had finished talking, and the amber-eyed teen had hung up the phone, that he was standing there, looking at the television in front of him.

"Shizuka..."

He collapsed on his knees, starring at the carpet below him, his eyes seemed empty and void of emotion and any recognition of where he was or what he was doing.

"Mother... Shizuka... Shizu..."

_"Because. As long as I have you in my life; as long as you're here, then I'm happy."_

He then held his head in his hands, and let out one heart-wrenching sob after another.

---

Nuva: Some random Japanese lessons for you. Shine means 'to die', and Oniichan is an affectionate way of saying 'big brother'. Don't ask why we left that last one untranslated. Apparently it sounded more 'Shizuka-like'. (_huffs_)


	4. Chapter 3

Title: Shell of a Man

Author: Dai Otenba

Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh, as it already belongs to Kazuki Takahashi. Same goes for Chobits, which belongs to the lovely ladies of Clamp. All I own is the idea for this fic, my muses, and Kaiba's dignity. (_hears Kaiba yelling profanities in the background_)

Warnings: Angst, Attempted Suicide, Self-mutilation, Yaoi, Language

Pairings: Kaiba x Jounouchi

Rating: R

Summary: After a tragic accident, Jounouchi's world breaks down slowly along with his sanity. Who will help him pick up the pieces? Then again, can they?

Author Notes: Aha! I updated! Finally!

Nuva: Could have been a bit sooner. ¬.¬

Okay, we're up to chapter 3. Now, there's a pretty good amount of angst in this chapter, so strap yourselves in and just hope it's over soon.

Nuva: So to make it clear, this is where our middle set of warnings come in. That's attempted suicide, masochism, and self-mutilation. You've been warned... again.

Well there's some sprinklings of fluff here and there to even things out. Also, i've yanked another idea from Chobits.

Nuva: She's getting less and less original.

I think so. ;.; Anyways, the scene is the park one, which actually occurs in volume 3 of Chobits between Shimbo and Ms. Shimizu. I changed it a bit, but I got the overall idea and a few bits of lines from said book, said scene. I've taken out the lyrics to the song Jou is singing in this chapter. The song was originally "Powder Snow" by Ayumi Hamasaki. I really recommend a listen to it, especially the AyuMix version. :D

" " - Spoken Dialogue

' ' - Mental Dialogue

Line - Scene Change (Italicized Flashback/past scene change)

--

Shell of a Man: Chapter 3

--

Before Kaiba even knew it, the sun had gone down and the only noticeable light in the room was from his laptop and the slim black lamp over in a far corner of his office. He took a few moments to stretch and rub the tension out of his eyes from staring at the screen before him for so long. He had been so intent on blocking out any knowledge and stress of previous events that he had used every last nerve in his body to focus on nothing more than his work.

The brunet rose from his black leatherwork chair and took a few steps over to the curtained window behind him, moving them back to take a quick gaze outside, only to be engulfed by the light of the full moon hanging high above him. The cerulean-eyed teen stood there, just looking up at the almost translucent blue sky above, a few tiny stars scattered here and there. The scene looked so calm and serene, it reminded him of a time many nights ago when he had seen this exact picturesque night in front of his eyes.

---

It was incredibly late at night when a figure was making its way through one of the smaller parks of Domino, located directly in front of the Kaiba Corp. building. The full moon above seemed to be the main source of light guiding him towards his destination, as most of the park lights gave off a very weak and dim glow. He was walking briskly down the paved walkways, the lapels of his dark blue trench coat flowing softly behind him and pristine blue eyes fixed in front of him. He had refused the offers of his driver for a ride home, deciding on taking a shortcut through the park and enjoy the comfortable silence filling the area at this time.

He was heading towards the very center of the park, indicated by the small playground with a few slides, sandpits, jungle bars and two sets of swings, when he noticed what appeared to be the dark outlining of a person seated on one of the swings. He slowed his pace so that his footsteps were silenced momentarily and squinted his eyes to get a better look at the person. The only thing he could tell was that they were wearing a dark green sweater and had a familiar looking mop of golden hair. He couldn't be as brash as to place a name on the figure, so he called out to them. "Excuse me?"

He noticed as the back of the person tensed up and their hands gripped the chain links of the swing tighter than before when the blond turned it's head, only for Kaiba to come face to face with the last person he'd suspect in the park at such a late hour. "Oh... hey Kaiba." Jounouchi replied with a small grin, which with a close mental observation by the CEO, seemed almost forced.

The brunet narrowed his eyes, looking at the blond up and down from his seated position in one of the swings. His clothes seemed wrinkled and disheveled and there was a small flush apparent over the blond's face, indicating how little the meager sweater was doing to keep him warm. That or it showed just how embarrassed he was for being caught red-handed by the CEO out alone at night. He also noticed how his amber eyes were a bit worn-out looking and indicated that he probably hadn't had a good night's rest in some time, hints of dark circles under them. Kaiba knew first hand what the effects of little sleep could do for a person, as well as just what they did to a person's appearance, and the blond seemed to fit each trait perfectly. "What are you doing out here mutt? A bit late for a stroll in the park, don't you think?"

"I could be asking you the same thing." The other retorted, hesitation lacing his words.

Kaiba slowly took a few steps towards the blond, talking as he walked. "Just decided that I'd had enough of the empty silence from my office and working on paperwork that my employees were incapable of doing themselves, not to mention I wouldn't want to invoke the wrath of Mokuba if he were to find out I was trying to spend another whole night working overtime at Kaiba Corp. I didn't want to deal with my idiot of a driver either, so i'm walking home."

"Hm." Was the blond's only reply as he turned his gaze to the dark blue sky overhead.

A short period of silence hung between both teens until Kaiba spoke again. "You still haven't answered my question."

"I can't get home." Was his clipped reply.

The other blinked, confused and surprised. "You're kidding me, right?"

Without shifting his gaze from the stars and sky above him, the blond continued on with a small shake of his head. "No, i'm not joking. I can't get home. The door is locked, and I have no key so I can't get in."

As much as it wasn't any of the brunet's business that the blond apparently was locked out of his own home, he couldn't help questioning him further. "And your father?"

"Home."

At this, the blue eyed teen quirked an eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest, highly confused now. "I thought you said you weren't joking."

The blond jerked his head away from his star gazing to give the boy before him a stern look. "I'm not." After his gaze lingered a bit, he looked away over to a nearby tree. "He used to only lock the door when both of us weren't there, so every morning that I had to go to school he'd leave a key out for me for when I got home and he wasn't there. Probably out drinking with some friends or at some random woman's house. Eventually he stopped leaving the key. I just chalked it up to his memory not being as good as it used to be, since he is getting older. So, I had to start finding new ways to get into the house. I got in through the window a few times but screwed up the screen in the process. I then tried messing around with the doorknob to get in but I ended up getting a piece of wire stuck in the keyhole. Once my dad found out about both, he wasn't too happy." He looked over at the brunet to see if he was actually listening, only to see blue eyes staring intently at him. A small nod of the others head showed him that he indeed was paying close attention, so Jounouchi continued on.

"For about a week now I've been getting home late and the door has been locked each time, sometimes with him even inside. The first time I knocked on the door nobody answered for awhile." He paused, a shadow of dark emotions clouding over his amber eyes making it impossible to read just what exactly he was thinking and feeling at the moment. "I waited out there for an entire hour until I saw the lights go off in the living room. He'd gone to sleep. I'm guessing he didn't know I was even knocking on the door."

"Where did you stay then?"

The blond looked at Kaiba shortly; confused about the many questions he seemed to have. Could it be that he was concerned? No, of course not. This was Kaiba Seto he was thinking about. He probably just wanted to see how badly the shorter teen had it off, laughing mentally to himself about how fortunate in life he was, having everything brought to him in a silver platter and not have a single care in the world. Sure he had to work, had to take care of Mokuba, and Jou even knew of some of the things that had happened to the brunet in his past, but comparing that overall to how Jounouchi was in life right now, they didn't even come close to fitting together.

Kaiba didn't have to worry about whether he was going to have a warm place to stay at night, whether he would ever get a chance to see his younger sibling once and a while. He didn't have to worry about being forgotten, of being left alone in the world. He probably didn't have these meager yearnings to feel taken care of, have someone there for support.

To feel wanted.

"You do realize staring is very impolite?"

He snapped out of angst-mode and blinked, noticing the brunet in front of him looking a bit iffed over having his question brushed off so quickly. Jounouchi shook his head to remember what it was he had asked him. "Here actually." He indicated the park itself with a jerk of his head to the swing set. "I'd just find some little spot, on a bench or near a tree, anywhere really and settle down."

Kaiba winced slightly. He didn't know how the blond could take it all. He knew very well that sometimes it wasn't safe to be out late in the parks, what with the now slowly decreasing temperatures accompanying the late months of the year and drunkards known to be wandering around from time to time.

"I didn't really get bothered by anyone if that's what you're thinking." Jounouchi shrugged. "It's like that. Everyone knows they're here for the same reason, just for a place to stay, so they leave each other alone."

"And the cold?"

He shrugged again. "You get kinda used to it after a while. Once it gets too bad though I find someplace warmer to go to."

"Haven't you talked to your father about all this?" The brunet asked in a soft voice.

Jounouchi shook his head slowly, his grip on the chains loosening. "No. What difference does it make? The fact that all this has happened just means that he's forgotten that i'm even coming home, that I even live with him for that matter." By now his voice had lowered to a murmur. "That I even exist."

Kaiba looked at Jounouchi for a long time, replaying the story he was just told over and over in his head. How on earth could someone do something like this? Just forget the fact that they have a son to take care of, their flesh and blood. Was it even possible? This was absurd, even to him. Did this mean that for the past week, while he was snug in his own home, the blond had been spending the cold nights in the park? He could barely even connect it with how the blond acted at school. Still his cheerful, klutzy self. That goofy devil-may-care smile always plastered on his face, talking happily with his friends in class or outside.

Only now could he think of how hard it was for the blond to hide this from his friends, the wanting to have a place to go home to, to have someone there to greet him, notice his presence, care that he existed. He had known that Jounouchi wasn't one to accept offers from others too easily, let alone when it came to being allowed into another's home for the night. Like an abandoned puppy, kicked out of its owner's house, roaming the streets endlessly for temporary shelter. The moment someone finds it and wants to take it home, the puppy still has the memories of its abandonment before and is uneager to be treated like something picked up off the streets. It's sense of pride far too high for it to let itself go and be accepted into a new home.

However, this wasn't a puppy. This wasn't just some animal, a pet that could be taken in from house to house. Once you got fed up with it, you got rid of it and just think that some animal shelter or other person will take it in. This was a human being, and things like this just couldn't be accepted when it came to actual people. (1) Jounouchi Katsuya shouldn't have to go through this.

"You could come with me."

The blond head jerked towards Kaiba once again. His amber eyes were wide with astonishment. "What?"

Kaiba huffed lightly, turning away so that one wouldn't be able to see the hint of hesitation in his eyes just for asking Jounouchi such a simple question. It wasn't simple at all though. Just how easy is it to ask, allow one of your least favorite people, someone who many would associate as an enemy of sorts, into your own home? Well, used to be least favorite. Not to mention he never really thought of Jounouchi as an enemy. That was only when it came to dueling, and even then he rarely thought of him as a threat. The blond wasn't really that bad of a person. Sure, he was annoying at times, loud as hell and a bit too dense, but when he took the time to think over it, he wasn't as much of a pain as Kaiba had thought him to be when they'd first met. 'If only.' He muttered to himself mentally. 'Maybe then I wouldn't have to think twice about things like this.' "I said you could come with me. I'll give you a place to stay for the night."

"I don't want your pity Kaiba. I'll be fine out here. I have been for the past week."

"It's not out of pity mutt. It's dangerous out here at night, and who knows how much colder it will get out here. You'd either end up sick, kidnapped or dead."

Jounouchi glared heatedly at the gravel below him. "I told you I've been fine before. What makes you think I won't be later on?" He was determined not to look Kaiba in the eyes, afraid of what he was to find. The same cold ice that always seemed to be there, or maybe something else. Something that indicated that he really might be interested in helping the blond out of his predicament. It was all just so complex; he didn't know what to do. Could he really trust him? He wasn't given much time to think of it further as he felt a strong hand grab his arm and yank him out of his seat in the swing. "Hey, what are you doing!"

"Look at me."

He found himself only a few inches away from Kaiba, gazing up at the deep blue eyes before him. As he was able to get a closer look, he noticed just how serious Kaiba was. There was no spite in those eyes, no hate or feeling of superiority. The barrier wasn't completely gone, but it was taken down to a weak enough level for him to understand what the brunet was trying to convey. It seemed as if he -was- doing this out of generosity, not out of pity. Out of the kindness of his heart perhaps... if that heart even existed that is.

Kaiba held back the urge to bite his tongue, knowing that he just had to do something, and that meant using drastic measures to convince Jou to not stay here in the park. "Please Jounouchi," Those two words in and of themselves where hard to get out. He never thought this would all have to go down to practically begging the mutt to come with him, though he told himself mentally that he'd never beg to anyone. "I'm not making you stay. It's all up to you if you'd like to or not, I have no intention of keeping you in or out of my house without your consent. I'm doing this of my own free will, and i'm asking you this now. Not telling you, asking. Will you come home with me?"

The blond could do nothing but nod his head slowly in affirmation, speechless at the way Kaiba Seto was acting before him.

He walked away a few steps before turning around slightly. "Well, come on mutt. I wouldn't want to be held responsible for you getting nabbed by the dog catcher." He gave that characteristic smirk to lighten up the mood that had turned a bit too tense in the last few minutes.

Jou blinked out of his dazed stupor to drift his gaze to the concrete below him, nodding his head again and slowly walked towards the other. He paused then, and looked up. "Hey, Kaiba?"

The other stopped, turned around and looked at the blond questioningly. "Yes?"

"Two things." He held up two fingers to emphasize his point. "One, no more damn dog comments."

Kaiba quirked an eyebrow at this, then sighed while he turned his head away and grinned slightly. "Fine. For today, no dog comments." He held back a laugh at the small grimace Jounouchi made. Hey, he was giving him the rest of the night off for name calling, which was good enough. "And?"

"Second..." He dropped his hand. "Thank you." He said softly, a smile breaking out upon his lips.

Much to Kaiba's relief, this one was not forced.

---

That night he had enough willpower to allow the mutt into his home (and yes, he had even stopped with the animal remarks the minute they headed off to the mansion), and the other had accepted with no trouble at all, leaving the next day just as simply as he had entered.

Maybe... what had caused that night to happen was the cause of the other's current ailments? But it had happened so long ago. He briefly recalled the blond telling his friends about the incidents with his father, of being locked out. Luckily for Kaiba, he uttered nothing of the fateful night the so-called cold-hearted CEO had given him a place to stay for once. Jounouchi had then reassured them all of his safety and that he had even been able to save enough money to rent out a small apartment for himself with the help of a few of the nicer men he had known associated with his father. Yugi had been a bit upset over the fact that his best friend had chosen to tell them all of his own problems a bit too late, as was Honda who instead of worrying over the blond had chosen to clonk him one over the head and yell at him for not asking for a place to stay or any help with the money, but nonetheless they were glad that their close companion had found a way out of the mess and everything would soon be getting back to normal, and it had. For a long time now, the blond was his usual self, not having to worry about his home life, only of school, his friends, and maintaining enough money to keep the home he had achieved for himself. Yes, everything seemed fine.

"But what happened for it all to turn out like this?" Blue eyes stared up at the moon above as if waiting for it to deliver him an answer for this question that was plaguing him.

All his thoughts were abruptly cut short when a sharp noise caught his ear, causing him to blink and swerve his head in the direction he swore it was coming from, trying to listen closer. What was it?

Someone was... he could barely hear. The walls weren't exactly soundproof but they did muffle out quite a bit of noise from the outside.

Just as he thought that maybe all this deep thinking was messing with his head, it came again, and again, much louder than before and so crystal clear that the sound sent chills down the teen's spine.

Screams. Jounouchi was screaming.

---

He didn't know what he was doing or where he was going. His eyes were clouded and red from all the crying he had done, and his head was shrouded in a million mixed up thoughts. Emotions where running rampant in his head every second, he could barely tell how he was feeling inside. All he knew was that something hurt and that he needed to find a way to relieve himself of the pain. It would be a very hard thing for Jounouchi to do considering that it seemed like everything hurt; his head, his arms, his legs, his throat, but most of all, his heart. Tears were still streaming down his face, yet they weren't as abundant as they were before... but wait, what was before?

Stumbling down the short hallway into his room, he collapsed against the door and with a shaking hand turned the knob, upon which he almost fell right through the open doorway. After tripping over a few things on the floor he managed to get himself into the small bathroom.

He stared at his reflection in the small mirror in front of him, looking over his features. He had acted so quickly back there in the living room that he could barely remember why he was crying in the first place. Jou raised his unsteady hand towards his reflection, touching the outlines of the trail of tears. Why was he upset? What happened? His mind was still spinning in circles; nothing seemed coherent anymore. It wasn't until he took a few deep breaths and closed his amber eyes that it all came flooding back to him.

His sister. His mother. The visit. He and Shizuka spending a day at the beach. A promise when they were younger. Scattered words here and there. Happiness. Joy. Excitement.

The phone call. A news report. Shinu. Car crash. Two killed. Sorrow. Pain. Death.

They were dead. Both of them were dead.

"No!" He screamed out at the top of his lungs, his fist crashing into the mirror, causing it to crack under the large force. A few lines of red slithered down the clear surface. Those same amber eyes snapped open to reveal a dark murky brown. It was then that he lost control. At that point his emotions were swirling out of control once more. He slammed his other fist against the wall behind him. 'They're not gone! They're not!' Another crash, things thrown everywhere. There was just too much pain. His heart still hurt. Why did he have to remember? He had just forgotten a while ago and now he was yearning for the numb feeling he had felt before. He collapsed on the floor beneath him, hunched over a bit and rocking back and forth slowly.

"Why?" His voice was all choked up; he could barely even speak. "They didn't do anything wrong. They didn't... didn't deserve this." He stared down at his hand, remnants of blood still tinting his skins surface. It felt odd. It had stung a bit after hitting the mirror, but afterwards, the pain had gone away and now he could barely feel his hand. He wondered if he liked this feeling, the feeling of nothing. Numb, like his hand felt at the moment. He wanted that feeling; he ached for that feeling. There was a way to make his heart stop hurting?

Maybe that was it. "I'll make it stop."

'No. Please stop. No, that's not the way!' A small voice yelled at him from outside, inside, it was everywhere, but Jounouchi ignored it.

Nothing was clear after this. All he could see was something shiny, striking down swiftly. Helping him, it was his way out. He could feel the pain in his heart going away slowly. It was working.

'Stop it! Just stop!' It was screaming at him now, desperately trying to make the scene around him cease.

His surroundings twisted around up to the point where nothing was recognizable, nothing but his actions mattered anyways. Jounouchi stopped and looked down, his eyes blank. For some reason, it still hurt. It wouldn't go away. There was still a small inkling of pain in his heart. There was nothing much he could do.

Get rid of the source.

'No!'

Get to the root of the problem and destroy it from there.

'I said no! That's enough!'

He raised his hand to his beating heart. This, this had to go. It had to stop in order to get rid of the hurt.

'Don't do it! Please!'

He'd never see his mother again; never see Shizuka again. She was gone. His happiness was gone. So maybe... he should go too.

'**NO**!'

And then he woke up.

---

"Jou! Jounouchi wake up!" He was speaking frantically to the boy, almost to the point of yelling, shaking him and desperately trying to get him to calm down, to wake up. Right when he had entered the room, he saw Jou tossing and turning violently on the bed, screaming his lungs out and gripping at anything he could. His hands were clinging to the blankets wrapped around him, knuckles almost a sheer white from the tight grip he was using. Kaiba knew he had to get him to wake up and soon. At this point the blond was going to seriously hurt himself since he knew his injuries had yet to heal. "Damnit wake up!" What the hell was going on? Just when he thought things couldn't get any worse...

After having quite enough and being frustrated over the blond's resistance, he was about to use drastic force to wake him when all of a sudden the blond let out one more aching scream, and his eyes snapped open. Kaiba had little time to wrench back, hoping the blond wouldn't strike out at him for being so close. Jounouchi lay there stiff on the bed, pausing his actions and slowly shifting his arms to his sides, his chest heaving with all the breathing he was doing.

The brunet stared down at him with wide eyes, waiting for the right moment to begin talking to the blond. All he was doing was staring up at the ceiling above them, the haze from his eyes fading away with every second that passed. After a few minutes had gone by his breathing had eased down and his eyes had almost gotten its natural amber hue back. He turned his head to the left, away from the brunet and just kept staring.

Deciding that the blond was awake enough to understand human speech, he called out to him. "Jounouchi?" He watched as the other tilted his head back towards him slightly, blinking a few times. "Are you alright?"

Jounouchi narrowed his eyes slightly, wondering on whether the person before him was real, if he had actually gotten away from the horrible dream he had had just now, that recollection of events that had happened long ago. One of his hands reached out towards the other, feeling around and noticing the bandages that were still wrapped around them. He could remember what happened that morning, what happened at school. He could remember talking to his friends, trying to get away. He remembered the dizzy feeling that came over him while trying to get away. He had talked to Kaiba; he had noticed the cuts on his arms. Then he recalled passing out. So, Kaiba had taken him in? Had helped him? But how much did he know exactly? It was all too much for him, and he turned away once more. "Yeah. Yeah, i'm... i'm fine." He answered quietly, shutting his eyes and hoping that this time he could get some decent sleep done and not have to worry about anymore stupid dreams.

"Are you sure?" Cerulean blue eyes kept their gaze on the blond. He hardly believed anything that the blond told him, but he knew that he needed some rest and probably wasn't well from... whatever it was he had dreamt, so he would try once more to get a straight answer from him. If that didn't work, he'd just let him get some more sleep and ask him about everything later when he was well enough to listen and answer honestly. He watched the blond head slowly nod yes.

For a long time all Kaiba did was watch Jounouchi, waiting to see if anything happened. Once he was sure enough that he would sleep quietly for now, he fixed the blankets around, got up from his seated spot on the edge of the bed and headed to the door. He paused once more, looking back at the amber-eyed boy sleeping peacefully. If it weren't for the bandages still wrapped around his arms, and the fact that it was Jounouchi sleeping in his home, it would have seemed very natural. Then again, how natural was it for a fellow classmate, one you had held an animosity towards, to collapse in school halls, be taken into your own house, find out he had serious blood loss along with many cuts on his arms, then later on find him screaming in the same bed you just placed him in a few hours ago? Not very natural at all. Kaiba knew that none of this was his business, that he should just pull out now and not even get involved, but now he was in the deep end and he refused to pull out now. It just didn't seem right.

Maybe it was this feeling of wanting to help out, that he had to do something. The brunet just didn't know why he was doing all this; all he knew was that he was. Maybe he'd find an answer eventually. That's all he hoped for. He turned back towards the door and opened it slowly before pausing at the doorway. "I'll find out what's wrong, and i'll help you fix this." He then left.

A slight movement came from the bed as the blond slowly opened his eyes, pulling himself up into a seated position on the bed, staring at the door the brunet had just exited from.

"There's nothing left to fix."

---

"I am not concerned with him. I am not worried for him. I'm just doing what any decent human being would do." Though the words made sense, inside he knew he was just kidding himself. Kaiba looked down at the glass of water in his hand. As soon as he had left the room he felt that maybe he should at least try a bit harder in showing the blond that he did want to help out, as much as he told himself that it wasn't the case. He might be thirsty, right? He didn't need to drink it now since he was probably sleeping, so he'd just leave it there on the bedside table and not have to worry about any confrontation with the blond about it. It didn't help that he felt ridiculous delivering a meager glass of water to the boy.

"I'm just going to check up on him quickly, leave it, then go back to work. That's it." Running the task through his head a thousand times, he was about to open the door to the room Jounouchi was held in when he heard something again. It sounded as if someone was talking in there, but... the words had a rhythm to them. His eyes widened. "He's... singing?" He opened the door as quietly as possible, giving a small sigh of relief when he was able to open it a crack without making noise and placed his ear near the opening so he could listen.

Yes, he -was- was singing. Quite well at that, if not a bit too softly. Plus there really was very little emotion being backed up in the voice. Kaiba moved over more so he could take a look inside. Jou had his knees drawn up to his chest and had his arms wrapped around them. He was staring at the blankets with such an uncaring look. It was like the singing was being done on reflex. He seemed so... empty.

'This... this feeling.' Kaiba thought to himself in wonder. He listened to each and every line, each and every word that the blond sang. He watched him carefully and searched for at least some little remnants of the old Jounouchi, the cheerful and vibrant one from just a few days ago, but he found nothing. It filled him with this sense, this feeling that he had felt before. It felt so familiar and strangely normal. He knew this feeling very well, but from where? Where had he felt it before?

Then it suddenly came to him. That time Jounouchi had collapsed at school, when he held him...

The time he had watched over him once the doctor left, and he brushed back the blond bangs of hair from his face...

It was the same feeling, but he was nowhere near the blond. "Could I actually... care?" He held the small glass of water in his hand tighter and kept gazing at the blond as he continued to stare at the bed beneath him. The realization was too much for him, he was afraid that he was going to crush the glass in his grip. He couldn't be... falling for the blond, could he? That sounded like complete nonsense! It just didn't seem possible. 'No, it has to be all this stress i'm going through.' He hissed mentally. 'Having to tend to Jounouchi is messing with my head, that's all. I've just never been in good terms with him, so i'm just a bit overcome with all this.' Kaiba muttered quietly under his breath. "Unfortunately for me, none of these thoughts are making me feel better about these damned feelings." Before turning around and deciding to come back later once the blond fell asleep, he shut the door in front of him quietly and gave a small sigh.

"I think... things are going to get a lot more complicated."

---

(1) I'm not saying that it -is- acceptable when it comes to animals though, if that's what you're all thinking. I am against animal abandonment. Pets should be treated with love and respect, you shouldn't just throw them out into the streets to fend for themselves once you think they're a bother or 'not fun anymore'. Once they have a home, it's the responsibility of the owner to give them a good place to stay and treat them like a member of the family. If it can't be done, then the least that they should do is find a friend or relative who can take care of the animal or take it to an animal shelter where it has the possibility of finding a new home.

You're either an animal person or a people person. As you can see from my little rant… I'm not a people person. xD


	5. Chapter 4

Title: Shell of a Man

Author: Dai Otenba

Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh, as it already belongs to Kazuki Takahashi.

Warnings: Angst, Attempted Suicide, Self-mutilation, Yaoi, Language

Spoilers: End of the Battle City arc

Pairings: Kaiba x Jounouchi

Rating: R

Summary: After a tragic accident, Jounouchi's world breaks down slowly along with his sanity. Who will help him pick up the pieces? Then again, can they?

Author Notes: Hello everybody! Long time no see, eh? (_nervous laugh_) Well, here it is. The moment you've all been waiting for. Shell of a Man is updated! The story continues. :D

Tsuki: Hurrah! (_throws confetti and dances_)

I hope you enjoy this chapter, which took an entire year to write! It must be good if it took that long, right?

Nuva: Yeah right. (_scoffs_) Anyways, now would be a good time to take a look at the Warnings list, as they **all** shall appear in this chapter. If you find yourself getting butt-hurt over anything that's mentioned in there, then please read no further. But then again, why are you up to chapter 4?

Also, be prepared for random moments of fluff and cuteness.

Tsuki: And Mokuba!

Yes, and Mokuba. :3

" " - Spoken Dialogue

' ' - Mental Dialogue

_Italics -_ Flashback/Past references

Line - Scene Change

--

Shell of a Man: Chapter 4

--

Warm. That was the only thing that he could fully comprehend at that single moment. That he was warm. He could barely remember the last time he had felt this safe and secure. It was as if he was drifting through the sky on a cloud, engulfed by the rays of the sun. Just floating and drifting, without a care in the world. It was a welcomed feeling, as he could no longer sense any of the pain, emptiness, and despair that had plagued him for the last few days. He only wished he could stay like this forever, Just floating… and drifting… and warm…

"_Katsuya…"_

Then a voice, a very faint voice, which seemed so familiar to his ears, slowly made it's way through the warmth.

"_Katsuya… wake up, please?"_

The voice was gradually getting louder, and he could swear that there was a hint of sadness and concern in the words being spoken. He still couldn't quite put a name or face to the voice however.

"_Please wake up. Open your eyes."_

It was then that he realized that this voice too, along with his surroundings, made him feel warm and safe. Only a select handful of people that he knew were able to make him feel this way, and out of all of them only one had ever had the privilege to call him by his first name. But she was no longer amongst the living. There was not way it could be her. She was gone.

"Wake up."

Then it became very cold, and he found himself falling from the sky and crashing down to reality.

---

Wide eyed and heaving in breath, Jounouchi jerked awake into a seated position on the bed he had just been sleeping in. Slowly going from deep, heavy pants to steady intakes of breath, he searched for the voices that he had heard during his latest dream. Looking to his right, he caught sight of two pairs of eyes. One tinted with concern, and the other…

Mokuba blinked and took a quick step back in shock when the blond awoke and stared at him and his brother with confused amber eyes. He pushed away all the thoughts and questions that had been racing through his mind, and focused purely on making the other teen comfortable. He smiled brightly. "We're glad that you're awake now. We were worried about you." He looked up towards his brother, expecting some kind of crude response, only to be met with dead silence. Mokuba's smile slowly dissipated until it was completely gone, replaced with a frown and a perplexed yet curious gaze.

Kaiba continued to stare at the blond, penetrating cerulean eyes searching through the tired and worn-out amber eyes holding his attention. He was oblivious to the look he was receiving from his younger brother, nor was he aware that the boy had spoken to him. "…."

Mokuba coughed impatiently, fed up with the senseless staring contest the two teens before him were occupied with. Katsuya slowly turned his head towards Mokuba, as Kaiba merely looked away from both of them, huffing in agitation. Whether at his own inability to voice his feelings at seeing the blond relatively better then the day before, or that Mokuba had interrupted the moment he had had with the blond, was beyond him. Heaving a tired sigh, Jou asked, "How long have I been asleep?"

"Well, I only just found out you were here…" The youngest of the Kaiba brothers paused, giving a small glare towards the other, still upset at the fact that he had tried to keep something as concerning and as important as the presence of an injured friend away from him. "So I'm not really sure. Seto, do you know?"

The other spoke gruffly. "Around 17 hours, give or take a few minutes."

"Feels like days, even weeks." Jounouchi murmured.

Once again, another bout of silence descended among the three occupants of the dreary bedroom. Mokuba shifted around, unnerved by the hidden tension between his brother and one of his best friends. "Hey! You must be really hungry Jou. Do you want me to get you something to eat?"

Jounouchi blinked curiously, confused once again by the sudden random outburst from the young boy, until it finally dawned on him. 'He hates it when me and Kaiba argue, but I think he can't stand us not talking even more.' Trying to keep back a smile, he replied, "Yeah, I'm a bit hungry but-"

"Okay. I'll be right back with something yummy. You stay put now." He winked as he quickly zipped towards the door, pulling it open then pausing and turning around, giving a quick look to his brother with mischievous gray-ish blue eyes. "Take care of Jou while I'm gone big brother. And you two better be getting along and having a nice conversation when I come back." Smiling brightly, he ran out the door as his dark long hair swished behind him. Then he was gone, the door shut closed behind him.

Kaiba stood there, mouth still slightly open from the retort he was unable to deliver to his troublemaking younger sibling. He couldn't help the small smile that appeared on his face, giving a mental thank you to the other for noticing the trouble between him and the injured blond occupying one of his many guest rooms. As much as he hated to admit it, he and the amber-eyed teen needed to talk, and he was determined to get a few things straight and figure out what exactly was going on.

"Jounouchi…" He paused, giving the other time to interrupt and show that the last thing he wanted to do was talk. Facing the blond, he noticed surprisingly that he was staring at him, eyes clearer then they were when he first woke up, though Kaiba could tell that Jou was hesitant to face the brunet so openly and directly. His eyes would shift to the door behind him, or to his hands, which were currently grasping the blankets he was under, clenching and unclenching from time to time. Kaiba continued. "How are you feeling?"

Jou sighed again. "A bit better then yesterday. My arms are kinda sore and my head hurts, but not a lot. I also still feel really tired."

Cerulean eyes narrowed slightly. "That's not exactly what I meant."

Jounouchi's eyes jerked upwards, looking straight at Kaiba again, then realized how much of a bad idea that was and turned his eyesight back to his hands. "I… I'm fine."

"Excuse my language, but that's a load of bullshit."

The blond flinched, due to the shock of hearing the clean-cut CEO curse, which he had never heard the entire time he had known him, and from how nervous he felt, knowing that Kaiba was trying to dig deeper into his problems.

"You passed out in the school hallway. I bring you here only for my doctor to inform me that you have extensive cuts on your arms. The bleeding wouldn't stop for a few minutes; even with all the bandages you had worn. All you've done is sleep. You haven't eaten and…" Kaiba glanced at the glass of water he had left for the blond the night before. It was still full. "You didn't drink the water I left you."

"I wasn't thirsty."

"Damnit Jounouchi, stop lying to me! You're hurt and you're trying to make me believe that everything is just fine and fucking dandy but it's not!"

The room fell silent as Kaiba's icy and furious glare was focused on the blond, whom had his head bowed down, his bangs shadowing his eyes. His hands were holding the blankets with a vice-like grip.

The brunet heaved an exasperated sigh, and then spoke softly, desperation laced in his words. "Jou… tell me what's wrong. I'm trying to help you."

"So, now you want to help me?" The blond scoffed then murmured quietly. "How exactly do you think you can do that?"

"Well, if you weren't being so stubborn and reluctant, I could figure something out."

Jou was taken aback at the reply. Kaiba's tone… it had changed. It was so… relaxed. Just a while ago he was screaming at the top of his lungs. What brought along this abrupt change? Deciding to take a chance, he lifted his head up and stared straight at Kaiba.

Noticing the unasked question in the blond's eyes, he responded. "It's no surprise you'd want to cover something like this up. Whatever 'this' is, I'm not sure. Don't get me wrong; I'm frustrated like you wouldn't believe. But… now isn't really the time to be pressuring you into anything. I'll let you talk when you're ready."

Speechless, all the blond could do was continue staring at the brunet with wide eyes.

Kaiba huffed, turning around quickly and walking towards the front door. The blond's gaze was unnerving him and making him think out-of-character thoughts. "I'm not giving up though. You'll be telling me something one way or another." Facing the injured blond one last time, he murmured hesitantly. "Just so you know… I hate having things out of control and not being able to put them straight. This is all… seriously annoying me, but I'm tolerating it because… it's you." And he was gone just as smoothly and swiftly as Mokuba had left.

"…what was that about?"

"It means he was worried about you."

Jounouchi jumped up at the sudden voice. "Sorry, but when I heard the two of you talking, I stood outside the door to see if you were really getting along. From what my brother just said, it sure seems like it." Mokuba laughed and placed the plate of food he had brought onto the table next to the bed. "Seto's not good at opening up to other people, so what he said might have sounded kinda mean, but it's the only way he could show how much he cares about you."

Quirking an eyebrow, Jou reached out to munch on a random sandwich. "Kaiba? Care about me?"

"It sounds strange considering you two have never been friendly to each other, but I'm his brother. I can totally see through him. He really wants to help you get better. Take my word for it, he cares."

"Right…" The injured blond mumbled out, intrigued yet still puzzled at this new information as he scarfed down another sandwich.

---

The younger Kaiba brother stuck around the blond's temporary room for what seemed like an eternity. Every couple of minutes he would ask Jou if he needed anything or was feeling okay. He was acting like a mother hen and once his brother found out about his actions, wasted no time in telling him. Mokuba had scowled at the comment but fought back, saying, "Well, you won't get over yourself to do it so I guess it leaves me." If Jou hadn't have been laughing so hard he would have been able to catch a small embarrassed blush spread over Kaiba's features before he swore revenge and abruptly left.

Though Jounouchi insisted that he was fine and that Mokuba didn't have to tend to him, the other insisted that he keep him company. Jou had replied, "You've gotta have better things to do then to stay cooped up in here with me." The response he received shocked him. "Nope. Besides, I don't want you to be lonely."

"What made you think I was lonely?"

Mokuba had shrugged and given him a rather sad look. "I don't know. It's just this feeling I get."

Jou didn't know if the smile that he gave the young boy was out of gratitude for noticing how he truly was feeling, or hurt for being reminded of his current predicament. He kept telling himself it was only the first one.

Unfortunately for Mokuba his brother realized that he really did have other things to do, such as homework. He bid a quick farewell and "get better soon!" to the amber-eyed teen and scampered off to his room. Once again, Kaiba and Jou were left alone.

The typical silence that was left behind after Mokuba's departure was endless, and Jounouchi just about started to doze off before Kaiba spoke up.

"How have things been at your home?"

The memory of a night long ago flashed before hazy brown eyes. "I wouldn't know. I haven't been back there in at least a month."

"What?" Kaiba exclaimed, then berated himself for such an outburst and continued on smoothly. "How? Where have you been staying?"

It took the blond a few seconds to recompose himself and wonder what had happened to the tone of voice that the CEO had first used, but brushed it off when he became aware of the impatient glare he was receiving. "Not the park, thank god for that. I might have been getting used to it but I knew I couldn't live like that for much longer. I managed to get a part-time job, and with the help of my friends I managed to rent out a small apartment. It's not much, but it keeps me from having to sleep outdoors."

The brunet let off a silent relieved sigh at the information.

"Hey Kaiba."

"What is it?"

Jounouchi stretched as much as his sore and tired body would let him, then sat up in bed. "I think I should go home now."

Kaiba barely had any time to respond to the ridiculous notion before the blond hauled himself rather shakily out of the blankets he had been seemingly trapped in for an eternity. His breath caught in his throat when he noticed him waver around a little and before he could catch himself, he quickly rushed over next to the blond and helped steady him. Before Jou retorted verbally to the action, Kaiba stepped aside and gave him a sturdy, hard glare. "As much as I'd like you out of my house and my responsibility, that isn't a good idea. Your condition is still far from stable. The last thing I want is for you to walk out the front door and throw all my work out the window by keeling over on the sidewalk and cracking your skull open. You are to stay here until my doctor returns tomorrow and gives the okay for your leave."

The two stared each other down until they both realized that no real headway was going to be made from this argument. Kaiba exited the room once more, saying he had some paperwork to finish up and that he'd return in an hour to make sure the other hadn't jumped out the window in some attempt of escaping. "If you need anything while I'm gone use the intercom near the door. Just press the blue button and wait for someone to answer." Once he had left, going as far as to lock the door behind him, Jou flopped down tiredly back onto the bed. After staring at the door for a few seconds he grinned forcefully. "If you think some locked door is going to keep me from leaving then you're out of your mind. I'm not giving up that easily Kaiba Seto. No way no how."

---

"Seto! Seto, open the door!" Mokuba's panicked voice and loud pounding at the door had snapped Kaiba out of his silent reverie. 'Now what?' He growled as he stomped towards the door and jerked it open. He met his little brother's worried blue-ish grey eyes and found himself becoming just a little apprehensive in asking the young boy what had happened. "What's wrong?"

"I know you told me not to but I went to the room Jou's staying in to see if he was alright and ask if he wanted to watch some TV with me, but when I got there the door was wide open and he wasn't in there! He's gone!"

A dozen things started running through Kaiba's mind at that moment as he gazed helplessly at his little brother, still rambling on about the blond's escape. 'How the hell did that mongrel get out? Did anyone see him leave? How far has he gone? Is he going to be okay?' But out of all these thoughts, only one seemed to be a rather appropriate response to the chaos that was soon to ensue.

"Shit."

---

Jounouchi was absolutely exhausted, feeling as if he was simply going to collapse where he stood and fall apart, but at least he was home. There were a few times during his sprint from the Kaiba mansion to the small apartment building where he doubted if he was going to make it, thinking back at the warning Kaiba had given him before he had tried to leave, but the main thing that had motivated him was the fact that he -had- to go home. There was no way he could stop halfway or, even worse, turn back.

Flopping down into the small couch in his living room, yet taking care to avoid any rough contact with his arms, the blond sucked in a few more precious breaths of air and grinned. "I'm glad that's over with." He looked around at his familiar surroundings and murmured, "Home sweet home."

Unfortunately, he couldn't seem to find anything sweet about the place. It was his home, but unfortunately it held far too many unpleasant memories, especially this exact room. It took up what little energy he had just to keep from running that horrible conversation in his head. Not only that, but the room felt more like a 'house' then a 'home'. Nothing felt the least bit familiar or comforting, probably because he had gotten so used to the abundance of space in the Kaiba mansion and was now unable to accept his small and cramped living space. His cheerful grin was long gone and Jou let out a depressed sigh. "Maybe I shouldn't be here. Maybe Kaiba was right and I should have stayed with him."

_"-I don't want you to be lonely."_

"_What made you think I was lonely?"_

_Mokuba had shrugged and given him a rather sad look. "I don't know. It's just this feeling I get."_

His eyes began to cloud over again after remembering Mokuba's words. Looking up at the stark white ceiling above him, he ran that question through his mind. 'Am I really lonely?' The only answer he could come up with was, 'Yes.' That kid really was a Kaiba after all. He seemed to be able to read people just as well as his brother could. If that was the case, did that mean that Kaiba knew as well? Was that why he had taken him in, to give pity to a defenseless and injured mutt? No, that wasn't it. He could remember Mokuba telling him something else about that...

"_It sounds strange considering you two have never been friendly to each other, but I'm his brother. I can totally see through him. He really wants to help you get better. Take my word for it, he cares."_

So Kaiba really did care about him then. At least that's what his little brother had made it seem like. But it all just didn't fit together, no matter how much he thought about it. Kaiba couldn't care about him. It just... didn't seem natural. 'A lot of things don't seem natural when it comes to Kaiba.' He scoffed, but decided to shove away the theory that the other was nothing more but a cold-hearted, unfeeling prick for once. Why on earth would he care though, especially for him of all people? And most importantly, why would he try to see to Jounouchi's loneliness? He always appeared to be more the type of person who would be saying something like, 'Hey, join the club.' Jou shook his head. It was hard to think of Kaiba as a regular person.

"I'm getting way off-track." The blond groaned, trying to think back as to what this whole thing was about again. Being lonely...

A flash of hazel eyes and long light brown hair.

Jou choked out a gasp and winced, shutting his eyes tightly. "Not again..." He hissed out through clenched teeth, trying to push the memories out of his head. Just shove them away...

Tired chocolate brown eyes and the same colored hair... a woman he could never push out of his heart, no matter how hard he used to try.

Jerking up then curling over on the couch, Jou clutched his head in his hands and help back a whimper of pain, trying as hard as he could to keep the tears back. He couldn't stop them though, and as one image after another started to come in sight like a slideshow, just as many tears started to stream down his face.

"Stop it!" He cried out to whoever was shoving these painful memories back at him when he least needed them, staring helplessly at the ceiling again as if asking it for help. It did nothing. Holding back a pathetic sob, he whispered so as not to alert the attention of any of his fellow tenants. "Please stop... it hurts... it hurts so much..."

'Idiot. You're doing this yourself you know.'

His head jerked up with widened eyes. It was that damn voice again.

'Who exactly are you talking to? No one is making you think about this. It's all you. You're the one making your life a living hell. You're the one inflicting so much pain upon yourself. You're the only one to blame here, no one else.'

"But I don't want to think about it."

'Yes you do. Why else would you be in this pathetic state?'

"No, no it's not true! ...and besides, I didn't do anything. I never wanted any of this to happen. This was totally out of my control."

'Yes, but it certainly seems to be your wish to let it destroy you, and that's exactly what it's going to do. It's going to rip you apart from the inside. Not physically, but mentally. There's so much misery and pain and anguish inside you right now that's just ready to burst out, you just don't know when it's going to happen. It's like a ticking time bomb in your head. Exciting, isn't it?'

The blond grimaced at how sadistically cheerful the voice sounded as it was describing the current situation. For a brief moment he thought that maybe the voice was that of the disgusting spirit that had controlled him way back during Battle City.

'You wish you could blame this on someone or something else. But nope, your luck has run out now. This is all you. There's no use denying it. This is all your fault. All of it is your fault.'

Suddenly the sound of a phone ringing resonated throughout the room and the voice stopped. Jou had jumped up slightly and then began to stare at the source of the noise with a nervous, suspicious glance. Trying to prevent his thoughts from going in the direction they used to during a time like this, when that annoying yet hypnotizing voice spoke to him, he was about to reach out and answer the phone when he pulled his hand back and decided to just let it keep ringing. He had no idea who it could be, and as much as he knew it could be Yugi or Honda, maybe even Kaiba. However, that phone conversation from long ago kept running through his mind and it started to make him shake uncontrollably. He waited a few minutes to calm down slightly, then checked the answering machine for the message that the person who had called just left.

**"...Um, hi Jounouchi-kun. It's Yugi. I'm just calling to check if everything was alright since I didn't see you afterschool yesterday, or even at all today. Anzu and Honda were worried about you, but I told them you probably just got sick and went home. You seemed really tired during Homeroom. Honda got a little suspicious since Kaiba-kun wasn't around either. I hope you two didn't get into a really bad fight again. ...oh, we have a test on Thursday for Literature. Be sure to study for that by the way. ...well, call me when you get this message so I know how you're doing. Bye."**

Surprisingly, Jounouchi felt much better after hearing his concerned friend's message. He decided that talking to him might get him out of his gloomy state so, after erasing the message, he reached for the phone once more-

And it rang again.

Blinking in confusion, Jou decided to let it ring and just wait for a message. 'It's probably just Yugi again. He sure is a worry-wart.' He held back a weak, amused chuckle. It reminded him of how Mokuba acted today. The blond's eyebrows scrunched up worriedly. 'I hope the kid doesn't get a heart-attack or something when he finds out I just left out-of-the-blue like that.' He was regretting just leaving like that and not at least leaving a note, but it was too late to do anything about it. Just thinking about the young boy made him wonder how Kaiba was taking the situation.

Noticing that the ringing was now well over and that the caller did leave a message, he checked it. As soon as he heard the first couple of words come from a very familiar voice that he hadn't thought he'd hear for a long time, the room became far too quiet.

**"Katsuya... it's your father. I know you're probably wondering why I'm 'bothering' to call you or how I even got your phone number. I received it from an officer from the local police department. ...they told me what happened, about the accident. ...Katsuya, I... I don't really know what to tell you, especially since I'm not exactly talking to you directly and that you wouldn't want to even listen to me in the first place but... if you haven't erased this message already, I would like you to call me back, or if you can go so far as to find me, then please do so. We need to talk. Please, put everything else between us aside for a minute and just talk to me as soon as you can. We need to... for their sake."**

---

He couldn't remember very much after listening to the message left by his dad.

All he did know was that the voice was back, and it wouldn't stop.

And he couldn't stop listening. Because it was making sense again.

---

After stumbling back from the bathroom Jounouchi entered the living room once more, walking around constantly without a designated stop. He finally found one when he became drained of all his energy and thus collapsed in the middle of the room. He stared at the telephone blankly, ignoring the tears once again streaming down his face and the all-too-familiar stinging pain in his heart and his arms. "I can't take this anymore." He mumbled, turning over to lie flat on his back on the coffee-colored rug below, a few smatterings of red sprinkled in. He reached a shaky arm up, grimacing at the new assortment of cuts he had now added to his collection, some new, the rest old. He sighed heavily.

"I just can't. I'm sick and tired of this." He placed a shaky hand over his aching heart. "Momma... Shizuka... i'm so sorry. I'm so very very sorry." The tattered blond bit his lip to try and keep the sobs from deep inside of himself from bursting forth along with all the emotions he was feeling at the moment, but it was no use. He curled up, ignoring the pressure on his right side.

'Hey, it's okay.' The voice cooed eerily, snapping him once again out of his self-induced, dizzying haze. 'Just get rid of it, and all of this will be over. You won't have to hurt anymore.'

"I won't?" His voice sounded heart-breakingly innocent, like a child's.

'No. It'll be over just like that.'

"But what about..." Faces began to flash before him. Yugi, Honda, Anzu, Mokuba, Mai... Kaiba. He couldn't just leave them behind.

'Don't think about them. You've done enough of that. Just let it go. Let it all just drift away.'

"Drift away..." A sudden warmth began to spread over his entire form, as if he was reliving a familiar dream.

'That's right. Just drift away. You remember that feeling, right? Don't you want to hold onto it forever?'

All of a sudden, it got very very cold, and Jounouchi began to shiver violently. "What... what's going on?"

'Don't worry. Soon you'll just be drifting away without a care in the world, just drifting... and cold...'

"C-cold... it's so cold." His teeth were chattering loudly and he tried to bite his lip once again to stop it, but the only thing he ended up with was the bittersweet taste of blood in his mouth.

'That's right. Cold...'

But this wasn't the feeling he wanted, he told himself as he shook his head weakly. He wanted to feel warm. He wanted to be safe and secure one again on that cloud high up above in the sky or whatever it was he was floating through, but most of all, he wanted to be warm. Why did he feel so cold then? This isn't the feeling he wanted to drift through. "Stop... s-stop. This isn't... what I want..."

'Tell me what you want then. Just tell me and you can drift away.'

But he was tired. He just wanted to stop being so tired. Stop hurting so much. Stop everything.

Rushed yet faint footsteps were faintly audible from outside, but Jou took no time in trying to acknowledge them, even when they disappeared and were replaced by an insistent knocking on his door. That didn't matter anymore. The only thing that did was this moment.

'Tell me. Tell me now. Hurry.'

He felt one more lone tear slip down his flushed cheek, then decided that he had done enough crying for now. Looking down at his left hand, he noticed something glimmer brightly.

"All I want is…"

Pausing abruptly due to the sound of his front door being slammed open, the glimmering object in his hand fell and as he drowsily craned his head back to look at who had just stormed into his apartment, he was met by a pair of piercing blue eyes filled with concern, disbelief, and...

"Jounouchi!"

And before the blond passed out, he smiled.

Because he finally felt that welcoming, safe and secure warmth he was looking for.

---

He kept slipping in and out of consciousness for the longest time. Probably because at some points he tried to figure out what exactly was going on around him as someone's voice kept speaking to him, but he just couldn't find the energy to listen for very long so none of it made any sense. It couldn't be that stupid voice from before though, even if it sounded equally annoying, but over time this one sounded more inviting and calm. Finally, he managed to stay awake long enough to put a few words together.

"It's okay... you're going to be okay... just sleep."

So he did.

---

I'm a bad person. (_wibbles_)

Nuva: Of course you are. You write angst for crap.

D:

Tsuki: Thank you reviewer people for being so patient(?)! We hope you enjoy this chapter and such. And no, Jou-kun is not dead.

He's just succumbing to the intense aura of Kaiba's lo- (_gets hit with a mop_).

Tsuki: Many thanks to all the readers and reviewers. :D


	6. Chapter 5

Title: Shell of a Man

Author: Dai Otenba

Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh, as it already belongs to Kazuki Takahashi.

Warnings: Angst, Attempted Suicide, Self-mutilation, Yaoi, Language

Pairings: Kaiba x Jounouchi

Rating: R

Summary: After a tragic accident, Jounouchi's world breaks down slowly along with his sanity. Who will help him pick up the pieces? Then again, can they?

Author's Notes: SUP GAIZ. lol I know, long time no see. After an almost never-ending bout of writer's block and inner debating, I've decided to continue working on this crappy fic... I mean, Shell of a Man. :)

Honestly, I was thinking of deleting this whole thing because it's VERY OOC and VERY cliché but... I just couldn't bring myself to do it because I fail at life. So I'm giving this another chance. If you notice a very abrupt change in character personalities, pacing, dialogue and such, it's because I'm trying to breathe life into a brain-dead fic. Once I finish this series (_cough_-maybe-_cough_), I'll hopefully be able to go through the Prologue and first four chapters and re-write them to my liking. Until then, all we can do is move forward and hope for the best.

Also, I apologize for the shortness of this new chapter. I know, I leave you all hanging for almost two years and all I give you is a measly 1,357 word chapter? HOW DARE I? Chill babehs, I'm trying to get back into the groove of things, slowly and steadily. Plus, I ended up totally going a separate direction from my notes, so I need to figure out what's going to happen from here on out. I promise you, next chapter will be long and kinda-sorta awesome.

* * *

**Shell of a Man: Chapter 5**

--

"How is he?"

"To tell you the truth, we honestly didn't think he was going to make it. There was a large amount of blood loss, and that was just from today. The wounds appear to have been there for quite some time, which is what made things especially difficult. These cases are usually touch-and-go, not much you can do if the extent of the damage is as large as his was. I'd say he's been in this condition for a week or so, deteriorating slowly over time. I'm amazed he was able to hold out for so long. He's in stable condition however, as we've managed to get a blood transfusion going, and we're checking to make sure his wounds haven't become infected in any way. If you had gotten here any later..."

"I understand. Thank you very much."

"Would you like us to call you when he wakes up?"

"No, that won't be necessary. I'll be staying here until he regains consciousness."

About to debate the young man before him on his choice of staying, prepared to say that a solitary and quiet environment would be best for the injured teen in order to recover, the doctor felt a shiver go straight from the back of his neck to the bottom of his feet at nothing more but a blank glance out of the corner of the other's eye. The doctor sighed shakily and let the matter be. He would let one of the nurses deal with the CEO. Moving this particular bolder was definitely out of his own hands. Plus he knew from countless experience that with a situation like this, no one would want to leave the patient alone.

Once he heard the soft click of the door close behind the doctor, Kaiba fixed his eyes straight ahead towards the mass of wires and machines and blankets in front of him. "Jounouchi..." But he stopped. He couldn't think of what to say. And it wasn't like the stupid mutt could hear him. So stupid. An inexplicable surge of anger welled up inside him which he fought to quell down and extinguish, but he eventually did. Instead if was replaced with an equally strong sense of guilt and remorse.

"I'm sorry."

That was all he could muster up.

Kaiba always prided himself in his knowledge, his quick wit and observational skills. But for once, he wished he had stayed in the dark.

Because instead of knowing just what to do, he was completely and utterly lost.

--

The time between the moment Kaiba had arrived at Jounouchi's home to find him unconscious and bleeding on his floor, to when they had arrived at the hospital rushing the injured boy into the closest emergency room had been nothing but a blur to Kaiba. Having seen the severity of the issue right before his eyes and dealing with the rushed nature of trying to help get the blond treated as soon as possible was barely enough for him to handle.

When the doctors had diagnosed it as an attempted suicide case, and affirmed their suspicions that it was just one of many over a recently short period of time, he had shut himself off to everything except a single thought.

Is he going to die?

He would have been more than happy to sulk in denial over the whole situation in one of the isolated waiting rooms a group of nurses and the head doctor that was treating Jounouchi had provided for him (there was enough chaos and disorder in the hospital already, which didn't need to be worsened by people knowing that Kaiba Seto was around waiting up on a school mate who had just tried to kill himself), but in all the rush he had forgotten that Mokuba had insisted he come along with his brother to find their escapee and bring him back safely. When he had gone to the apartment and returned carrying their former burden back, out cold and bleeding profusely, he could have sworn he thought Mokuba was about to faint. So now, he merely sat in the waiting room, Mokuba seated in his lap, the only real sound through the room was the faint flurried footsteps of nurses passing by and Mokuba sobbing quietly with a little hiccup or sniffle here and there.

An endless, unnoticeable amount of time passed afterward filled with waiting and hoping and sleeping on Mokuba's part and nothing but confusion for Kaiba before a nurse passed by accompanying an older man who looked to be in his 50s but was really only 42. He had a slightly unkempt and scraggy head of dark blond hair, dark brown eyes and a very tired complexion. Actually, everything about the man just screamed that he had dealt with far too much in his lifetime. Though he was relatively tall and stocky, he was actually rather skinny. For some reason, upon getting his first good look of the man, Kaiba assumed that this was Jounouchi's father. Indeed, he was proven correct.

The older man's eyes widened slightly as he was brought into the same waiting room that the renowned billionaire and CEO of Kaiba Corp was in. "K-Kaiba Seto?" Kaiba merely nodded, not so much as blinking an eye. The other just sighed heavily and maneuvered himself one seat over next to the brunet and sat down slowly, leaning over and holding his head in his hands. "Well, I never thought I'd see the day where I'd find myself in my current position."

"Meeting me in a hospital waiting room, or waiting upon your son in the emergency room who was engaged in self-harm?" Kaiba bit his tongue, regretting the humorless response he had just given, though he couldn't have helped it. He felt like a frustrated animal needing to lash out and bite something just for a sense of release. He wasn't expecting the soft yet empty laugh that came from the other.

"Well, both of those along with a heap of other things, but I don't think it's in my best interest to go off rambling about my life to someone I just met. By the way, how did you know that I was Jounouchi's father? I'm sure we've never met."

Kaiba shrugged. "Lucky guess. Don't ever tell him, but you two look alike, somewhat." Tacking on the last word because otherwise, the sentence would have seemed very vulgar in his mind.

The older man smiled crookedly. "I won't, you can be assured of that. I'm sure it's the last thing he wants to hear right now..." His voice faded off and he directed his attention to the table filled with magazines a few feet away from them.

The two sat in silence for about five minutes before Kaiba spoke up again. "When did you get the call about your son?" He felt a small vibration through his chair, assuming that the other was so deep in thought that he hadn't been expecting any type of chat again, so was taken by quite surprise at the question. Calming down and running a shaky hand through his hair, managing to make it look relatively less unkempt, he answered, "Well, I got here about twenty minutes ago, so maybe an hour or so before that." He looked up hesitantly. "Were... were you the one that found him like that and brought him here?" Kaiba only nodded. "...thank you. Thank you very much."

Kaiba looked away and only slightly jerked his head in a yes manner, not knowing what to say at that. He continued on with the conversation. "We got here about... three hours ago." He affirmed the time by unwrapping an arm from around Mokuba and quickly checking his wristwatch.

"I see..." The older man mumbled.

"Will Jounouchi's mother and sister be here soon?" He wasn't expecting another vibration through the chairs, stronger this time, almost like a jolt of electricity had gone through the other's chair.

It was then he knew something was very wrong, and that he would finally be getting to the bottom of this whole bizarre situation. Whether he wanted to or not.


End file.
